Character Education

I believe most School Districts in the US have a mandated character education program that the children receive grades for. I see the character traits on my son's report card but I have always wondered how I am supposed to differentiate between "citizenship" and the collective traits of "responsibility," "kindness" and "tolerance" for my 5/6 year old and explain what citizenship means in the context of a classroom or school when I don't fully understand it myself.

Then I came across a site that explained it all. I find that with younger children like my son, giving them more specific instructions that explain how they can accomplish what we wish for them to accomplish is more effective than the more generalized instruction to "show kindness" or "be responsible," and this site helps provide specific directives that are easier for younger minds to understand.

As I read through the list I realized that it isn't just children who could use this education in making good choices, but as adults we could use revisiting these lessons too.

The website linked below is worth visiting. It is meant for teachers but I think it can be very helpful for parents too. The page I linked to has further links for activities associated with each character guideline listed below to further help explain these to children.


From Character Education | The Cornerstone

Citizenship

Involves obedience, charity, patriotism, and environmental concern.

Core Principles
*Do things the right way the first time you are asked.
*Do not ask for rewards: do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do.
*Be quick, quiet, and orderly during transition times.
*When walking in line, stay to the right, keep your arms at your sides, and move quietly.
*Never cut or save spots in line.
*If you see friends in the hallway, wave to them but do not call out.
*Follow other teachers’ rules when they are in charge.
*Help people who are less fortunate in every way you can.
*Stand up for what you believe.
*Show respect for American symbols & during the Pledge of Allegiance.
*Be responsible for your trash.
*Do not be wasteful.

Kindness

Involves caring, random acts of kindness, generosity, forgiveness, & compassion

Core Principles
*Never say, “I don’t care” when someone tells you how they feel.
*Be kind towards others without expecting them to treat you the same way.
*Surprise others by performing random acts of kindness.
*Share with others whenever you have more than enough.
*If someone bumps you, say ‘excuse me’ even if it wasn’t your fault.
*Do not hold a grudge: you’re only hurting yourself.
*Try to understand WHY people act the way they do.

Respect

Involves patience, politeness, and showing concern for all creatures.

Core Principles
*Do not show impatience when someone takes a long time to answer or understand something.
*Never say, “That’s easy!” when it’s hard for someone else.
*Learn to entertain yourself without being disruptive when waiting.
*Respond to an adult when spoken to.
*In America, it’s important to make eye contact when spoken to.
*If you are asked a question in conversation, ask a question in return.
*Never interrupt an adult when you are being corrected: wait and then politely ask to explain yourself.
*If an adult does not let you explain yourself, let your teacher know.
*Do not show disrespect with gestures or noises.
*Keep your grades private & do not ask about other people’s grades.
*Do not tease or harm any living creature for “fun”.

Honesty

Involves trustworthiness, reliability, integrity, and self-awareness.

Core Principles
*Always be honest, no matter what the circumstances.
*Keep your promises.
*When you make a mistake, admit it, make things right, and let it go.
*Do the right thing, even when no one is looking.
*Don’t start, repeat, or even listen to gossip.
*If you wouldn’t say it to a person’s face, don’t say it to anyone.
*Before speaking, think, “Is it true? Kind? Necessary?”
*It’s okay to say you don’t know something.

Self-Control

Involves humility, perseverance/ courage, and contentment.

Core Principles
*If you win, do not brag; if you lose, do not show anger.
*Congratulate classmates when they are successful.
*Never laugh at or tease someone when they make a mistake.
*Do not stare or laugh at a student who is being corrected.
*Do not make a big deal out of bodily functions.
*Learn from your mistakes and move on.
*When work is assigned, do not moan or complain.
*Be patient with yourself and don’t give up easily.
*Be satisfied with what you have.
*Always find the positive in life; complaining makes everyone miserable.

Tolerance

Involves acceptance of diversity, equality, peace, and appropriate conflict resolution.

Core Principles
*Laugh with people, not at them.
*Respect other students’ comments, opinions, and ideas.
*If people near you are too noisy, politely ask them to lower their voices.
*If someone asks you to lower your voice, say “no problem” and do so.
*It’s okay not to like someone; it’s not okay to be rude to them.
*Tell, don’t tattle. (Telling= trying to help someone, tattling= trying to get them in trouble).
*Accept that life isn’t fair and people sometimes do mean things.
*If anyone is bullying you, let your teacher know.
*Don’t expect yourself or other people to be perfect.
*Don’t sweat the small stuff.
*When you feel like overreacting, take deep breaths and relax.

Cooperation

Involves friendliness, fairness, loyalty, and gratitude.

Core Principles
*Greet visitors and make them feel welcome.
*When meeting new people, shake hands and repeat their names.
*Stay out of cliques.
*If someone you play with is continually rude and mean, choose other friends.
*Cheerfully work with any partner you are assigned so you do not hurt their feelings.
*When offered something, take only your fair share.
*Stand up for people you care about.
*Always say thank you when given something.
*When you receive something, do not insult the gift or the giver.

It was but yesterday when you were so new...

Your tiny new-born head rests against my shoulder;
To the world: a mother cradles her child.
The world doesn't know;
From each tiny little breath that fills your tiny heaving chest;
I draw refuge, courage and strength;
It is the child that cradles his mother.


I remember when you were a figment of my imagination. You could be anything and everything I wanted you to be. You were the epitome of perfection and we would have the best time together.

I remember when I found out you were actually going to be. I was ecstatic. I was on top of the world! I was brimming with confidence. I was a nervous wreck. I was more alive than ever. I was lost in the mist of my day-dreams more than ever. I dispaired over the world I had chosen to bring you into. I hoped your existence would magically change that world. I cried more and laughed more. I danced so much. I sang with more vigour. I was walking on air.

I remember when you were a stranger. A face I had never seen before. Your tiny little body was so much for me to handle. I struggled to hold you the right way. My arms hurt. my back hurt. I was so tired... but I was so happy to see you! I didn't know who you were or who you would become. I was lost and bewildered. For the life of me I could never figure out if that was an "I'm hungry" cry, or an "I'm sleepy" cry. I felt so powerless. I felt so powerful. I was your mommy! I finally found out who I was and what I was worth. You made me feel like a billion dollars!

I remember waiting for those precious eyes to open. I remember waiting for your first smile, your first sounds, your first tooth. I remember watching you sleep as you clutched my hair so tightly in your hands. I remember waiting for you to grow. I remember the first time you held your bottle all by yourself! I remember that first kiss and how it took me by surprise... you pulled me in by my hair and planted a whole lot of spit on my cheek and then pulled back with a gleam in your eyes and the sweetest smile on your face! I remember when you first said "dada". I remember waiting for "mama" and, boy, did you make me wait!

Preschool was tumultuous... They called you "an interesting child." You were too young, too innocent to vocalize it, but I felt the pangs of stress within you. To me you were always a beautiful child... that fluttering butterfly always stopping to smell the flowers, and always on it's way to some place unbeknownst, perhaps, even to itself.  I remember awakening once to the horrifying realization that I may have lost your wonderful laugh to those horrible, monsterous pangs of preschool. But just when I was beginning to lose hope and resigning myself to be swollowed whole by that dark vortex of doubt those teachers and those schools had cast us into, I saw the sparkle in you resurface, and soon you had us floating over rainbows again with your magical fairy dust!


You made me believe in myself more than ever. You made me doubt myself more than ever. If ever I felt I couldn't face the day, I kicked myself out of bed just because you were there. If ever I felt I had you all figured out, you never failed to remind me that I had tons to learn still.


You inspire me to do more... to write more, to think more, to feel more.  You have taught me to take a moment... to lie in the grass and feel a ladybug crawl up the side of my face.... to pick flowers from the road side.... to sing for the fun of it and make up the words when I forget.


And to like strawberries... even though I never liked strawberries before - EVER.


You have these bright smiling eyes - inquiring and curious, brimming with intelligence and wonder. I remember staring into them in those wee hours when you'd keep me awake, oh those beautiful eyes! In them I rediscover my own youth, my childhood innocence and wonderment. I can now see the world as you do and delight in its every turn, rejoice in it's every moment...


I feel like a child with you. And I feel wiser than ever with you.


These past couple of years I have seen you blossom and the world is beginning to see a hint of the wonderful, charming, kind and bright human being you will grow up to be. I have witnessed your profound understanding and empathy... and then there is your fantastic sense of humor! I pray that the world will always be kind to your gentle mind and earnest heart. I pray that God may guide you in every moment and enlighten you. Always know that when you have no one else, you will always have Him. I pray He keeps others from changing you into some cookie-cutter version of a human being; to allow your distinctive colors to add vibrance to the lives around you... because the world will be better for it. May you be an emblem of hope and of good things to come.


Your father and I are the luckiest people on earth to have been blessed with you. Thank you for a wonderful 6 years and we look forward to a lifetime of fun ahead....


Happy birthday, my darling Sheheryar. I love you so much.

Research suggests children can recover from autism (AP May 9, 2009)

I find it incredibly surprising that the medical field never considered this a possiblity. I find it even more surprising, and apalling, that some STILL will not consider the findings of this reasearch a legitimate probability.

"Doubters say "either they really weren't autistic to begin with ... or they're still socially odd and obsessive, but they don't exactly meet criteria" for autism..."

Realism is one thing, but is an improvement in a child's condition not worth anything? So they may not fully recover. Does that make the fact they get better less significant? If a child with an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) who would have needed constant supervision is now able to play independently, interact better with others, is that not a breakthrough? I can't believe that doctors can refuse to give parents, and those children, any hope for a better life... a close to normal life.

So how is anyone to trust any of these doctors, psychologists or special care-providers with helping their ASD-diagnosed child when they don't believe there is hope for them anyway? Can any of them really be sincere? No wonder preschools refuse such children and even children they suspect of having ASD. They feel there's nothing they can do to help, so they just refuse to help.

But here's what they do do. They reinforce in these children poor self-esteem. These children are raised to think that life will never improve for them. Any kind of congnitive therapy will fail if the child is surrounded by such pessimism regarding his odds of improvement and made to believe that any effort towards that will be futile or limited in yield at best.It's sad that they aren't given the option of thinking that life may still work out for them, even if they are different from the rest.

It is even more worrisome that children with mild to moderate behavior issues are also being slapped with the ASD label and given the same dim prognosis by doctors, psychologists, teachers and third party care-givers when clearly their world is full of more possibilities than those suffering from more severe forms of autism.

I wonder how many adults are walking around today, living their lives, working their jobs, growing families, who never got diagnosed with ASD when under current definitions, they should be. I wonder if never knowing they had ASD has made their life any harder or any easier. Perhaps they thought they had a few personality quirks to straighten out and that made it easier for them to bring about positive changes in themselves.

Doctors and psychologists have become so immersed in the science of it all that they have become severly detached from the humanity of it. We are but specimens to observe, study and analyze, practice their theories on and document. Have they forgotten that their purpose is to help improve our lives?

A question

Those tortuous thoughts tease and taunt. Pangs of jealousy have your stomach tied in knots. There's a heaviness in your chest and you begin to have trouble breathing as you're consumed by self-pity, bitterness and loathing...

... if only for a fleeting moment.

Then you choose... to simply shake everything off and resume life as it were,

or, to indulge.

There's always some point in a relationship, no matter how secure, where we wonder if we're the only one... am I the only one he thinks about, am I the only one he fantasizes about, am I the only one he has eyes for. Or she.

Sometimes it's warranted. Other times, and most times, it's just a "feeling". Regardless of the existence of evidence, the thought can make us just as ill.

But why?

Of course, I can understand if we're being short-changed somehow. But, what if our significant other was truly endearing, loving and caring; what if they did everything we could ever ask for; what if they were always there for us when we needed them; what if they fulfilled every obligation they had towards us... would it still matter if they had someone else they thought of or someone else they spent time with?

We never care if our parents love two or four other siblings (okay, most of us don't care) so long as we were loved. We never care if our friends have other friends they care as much about as they do us. Then why is this love, between us and our significant other, so different?

Why does emotional and physical exclusivity matter so much in this relationship, even when it gives us all we require from it and more?

And when and why did society deem this form of possessiveness, this form of selfishness acceptable?

Perhaps there is a hidden virtue in this that isn't immediately apparent. I understand not all questions have answers. I suppose jealousy is that bit of our dark side that we just have to deal with every now and then.

blurb

I haven't written in a really long time. Apparently my mind doesn't function the way it used to. Or maybe most of my patience is used up in child-rearing and I have little left over for writing. I won't speak for anyone else but raising a child has certainly knocked the wind out of me. Or maybe raising MY SON is just a tad difficult than usual. Or maybe I'm just special.

So much swirls in my mind, so much I feel so strongly about, but when it comes to putting it to paper (or an online blog) it all comes out a mess. I can't organize my thoughts. It takes too long to make it look pretty for anyone else to read... or for myself to read for that matter. I have 11 "random Thoughts" sitting still in draft form. Often, I run out of time and what i began to write about isn't relevant any more.

When you raise a child you begin to look at the world very differently. Wonder and amazement go up a few notches, but so does fear. I've often thought about what I want my son to believe about life and the world we live in. I have found over the past couple of years I have become increasingly disheartened. The world has become a darker place than before but more than that, I have had to give up on my daydream world as I seek to prepare my son for the path he will walk ahead. I don't want him prancing around in a plush make-believe world and then fall hard to the ground when reality strikes. He doesn't live in the same world I did when I was little. I can't provide him the luxury of spinning protective cotton-candy wall around him, because reality is already hounding him. And my poor baby is barely 4.

I have given up on fairytales. I still believe in love, and I believe it can last forever, but I know that sooner or later loved ones will inevitably say or do something to hurt one another. I have found love to be more of a tragedy than a fairytale. Despite all we do for love, some will still walk away, and despite how many times they walk away, some of us will incorrigibly, incessantly and profoundly love them. Love raises the worst of the masochists and worst of the villains.

Trust... oh the sham of it! I wish the word didn't exist and we'd all live life with a lot less pain.

The world doesn't want to help, it wants to watch a spectacle. Is there a wonder reality shows are doing so well? No one has your best interest at heart... or anyone else's for that matter. Maybe your parents, but I think the newer generation of parents are increasingly self-absorbed and seek to feed there own interests and they might do so at the expense of their children. Doctors, scientists and psychologists us us as science experiments. They use us to observe the implications of their products and theories and to possibly draw up newer ones. It isn't about helping humanity any more. This isn't about improving the quality of life. It is about the art of science itself. It is how religion becomes more about the rituals than faith itself. The world has lost sight of its goal and gotten lost in the woodworks. Sort of like Wall-E. So mechanical and lost... The whole world has gone autisitic.

Ironic. April is autism awareness month. Talk shows, celebrities, magazines debate over possible causes but few consider the real problem... no one wants to help. Parents, caregivers, teachers, doctors, psychologists are more than ready to give or accept a label, but rather than looking for solutions, they mark it like a death sentence. 1 in 150 children are currently diagnosed with Autism spectrum disorders (ASD). And no one thinks maybe we're expecting too much of kids... maybe we need to let them grow on their own and nurture their strengths so they become healthy successful human beings. why are these kids diagnosed and then tossed aside as if there's nothing that can be done about them? Maybe because the world as a whole has become so self-absorbed, so indifferent to emotion and feeling, so obsessively indulgent and fascinated with science and observation - like the autistic child who plays for hours watching the wheels of his toy car spin round and around, and with categorizing, like the same child lining up his toys in neat straight lines - to really care.

Look around you. If the collective communties of the world were observed as an individual entity, you'd see all the signs of ASD pervasive and prevalent throughout. And this world seeks to outcast these beautiful minds without giving them a chance. Without giving them hope.

I don't know what to teach my son for I don't know what to think myself. I was always a dreamer and a believer. I am lost now. Perhaps that's why I can barely write any more.

I am lost, and my son is depending on me to lead him through this. In my heart of hearts, I am hoping that his spirit, his will, his obstinacy and determination, and his evolving imagination will draw a path for me to follow and take us out of this fog.