Reply on Malala - preliminary discussion

A friend posted a link to this article, an open letter to Malala allegedly penned by a member of the Taliban. While conceding to the questionable origin of this letter, my friend said that while he felt that Malala was a "truly innocent and a true fighter," she was being used by the West to project and ugly image of Pakistan in order to justify a war, and that Malala was enjoying her fame. To that I responded with:

What's so complicated? The Taliban think religion sanctions them to bring harm to anyone that shows them in a derogatory light, which is not true. Then they try to convince everyone that telling an unfavorable truth about them is the same as defaming Islam and that somehow that warrants death for the person who commits it, which is also untrue.

Had Malala been a boy standing up for the right of women to an education and had he been making the rounds in western media and touting Nelson Mandela as his hero, the citizens of Pakistan would have been reveling in his glory and fame.

The west is not "justifying" any war based on this. They have much else that they can use to justify a war. The west is in awe that a country they thought was so backward and primitive can produce the kind valor, intelligence and reflection seen in this girl at such a young age, the kind they are hard pressed to come by in their own communities where they deal with rising teen pregnancies and Miley Cyrus. Unfortunately, in Pakistan, her traits take a back seat to athletic prowess and career/military/political advancement. Overcoming gender biases is without doubt a feat worthy of applause, but it is not the same as risking one's life for the rights of others. The letter, authentic or not, points out the very real threat of speaking up against the Taliban and I'm sure Malala was well aware of it, even if she was unrealistic about the probability of her being attacked. 

There is absolutely no reason to malign the image of a girl who spoke the truth simply because it is uncomfortable. Shall we not talk about the 5 year old molested by a grown man because it puts the country in a negative light, and instead focus on the international achievements of our musical artists or our cricket team so we can show that our country is doing something good? Are we that obsessed with our image that we are willing to hide reality (or hide from it) and commit an injustice against so many whose voices we have suppressed? If we are so concerned about image, we should do a better job of finding good and highlighting it (and not making stuff up) AND making sure that we do everything in our power not to propagate a mindset that would be inclined to committing wrongs. That includes being mindful of what we say on social media, amongst friends and family, or within ear shot of our kids.

Not talking about the truth is suppression of truth, of a voice, of rights. It is oppression. To see something wrong and not say or do something about it when one has the power to is a great injustice. To willfully deny someone a voice because it makes us uncomfortable, because it tarnishes our image is to willfully prevent them from a means to ask for help or better their lives. Is that not oppressive? Here we are thinking we do no harm by not talking about the injustices that take place in the country every day. Who is to say that the injustice against 1 is not worthy of attention if 20 are doing fine? Is one death insignificant because 50 survived or even 500? Does that 1 life not count unless to belongs to you or some loved one?

"Over projecting an ugly face of Pakistan," so many say. I think she is over projecting the good, because here the world is thinking what great minds and souls must reside in that country and the reality is that most minds would rather suppress voices, allowing only the ones of their choosing to pass through, to project a reality that suits them. Malala's voice and the things she talks about are a part of reality. Regardless of whether she is enjoying her fame or not, her words are true. If the Taliban feel they skew reality, let them present their truth rather than attempting to silence Malala. Are they saying that Aljazeera USA will not interview them or run a documentary presenting their side of the story? They have their avenues. Let them use them.

My friend was upset by my suggestion that Malala might have had more support from her country had she been male and said that everyone he knew was "proud of Malala BECAUSE she is a girl standing up (for) her rights and those of others in her town..." 

But then he stated what I believe forms the crux of Pakistan's "issue with Malala." He said that while no one questioned Malala's "brilliance", they wondered if all the attention and recognition she is receiving is warranted when there are so many others doing so much and more that are going unnoticed and unrecognized; they wondered if she was worthy of being considered for the second ever Nobel Prize for the country and why her achievements are deemed somehow superior to everyone else's.

Please see my response here

Unbreakable

I am strong like water. I am unbreakable.

Your violent storms could whip me into a fury,
And I may crash against your lofty cliffs,
You may break my waves of resentment,
But you can't break me.

I am strong like water. I am unbreakable.

You may cast your worries onto me,
Throw your worst burdens onto me.
I would swallow them whole and you would never know
My placid surface unfettered by the tumult below
They would lay hidden in my depths,
Depths you could never reach, nor be bothered to.
You may swim atop my shimmering waves,
Control me with your dams,
Cut me into rivers if it pleases you,
Then cast me off the edge.

But you can't break me...

I am strong like water. I am unbreakable.


To life. Bring it on.

Character Education

I believe most School Districts in the US have a mandated character education program that the children receive grades for. I see the character traits on my son's report card but I have always wondered how I am supposed to differentiate between "citizenship" and the collective traits of "responsibility," "kindness" and "tolerance" for my 5/6 year old and explain what citizenship means in the context of a classroom or school when I don't fully understand it myself.

Then I came across a site that explained it all. I find that with younger children like my son, giving them more specific instructions that explain how they can accomplish what we wish for them to accomplish is more effective than the more generalized instruction to "show kindness" or "be responsible," and this site helps provide specific directives that are easier for younger minds to understand.

As I read through the list I realized that it isn't just children who could use this education in making good choices, but as adults we could use revisiting these lessons too.

The website linked below is worth visiting. It is meant for teachers but I think it can be very helpful for parents too. The page I linked to has further links for activities associated with each character guideline listed below to further help explain these to children.


From Character Education | The Cornerstone

Citizenship

Involves obedience, charity, patriotism, and environmental concern.

Core Principles
*Do things the right way the first time you are asked.
*Do not ask for rewards: do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do.
*Be quick, quiet, and orderly during transition times.
*When walking in line, stay to the right, keep your arms at your sides, and move quietly.
*Never cut or save spots in line.
*If you see friends in the hallway, wave to them but do not call out.
*Follow other teachers’ rules when they are in charge.
*Help people who are less fortunate in every way you can.
*Stand up for what you believe.
*Show respect for American symbols & during the Pledge of Allegiance.
*Be responsible for your trash.
*Do not be wasteful.

Kindness

Involves caring, random acts of kindness, generosity, forgiveness, & compassion

Core Principles
*Never say, “I don’t care” when someone tells you how they feel.
*Be kind towards others without expecting them to treat you the same way.
*Surprise others by performing random acts of kindness.
*Share with others whenever you have more than enough.
*If someone bumps you, say ‘excuse me’ even if it wasn’t your fault.
*Do not hold a grudge: you’re only hurting yourself.
*Try to understand WHY people act the way they do.

Respect

Involves patience, politeness, and showing concern for all creatures.

Core Principles
*Do not show impatience when someone takes a long time to answer or understand something.
*Never say, “That’s easy!” when it’s hard for someone else.
*Learn to entertain yourself without being disruptive when waiting.
*Respond to an adult when spoken to.
*In America, it’s important to make eye contact when spoken to.
*If you are asked a question in conversation, ask a question in return.
*Never interrupt an adult when you are being corrected: wait and then politely ask to explain yourself.
*If an adult does not let you explain yourself, let your teacher know.
*Do not show disrespect with gestures or noises.
*Keep your grades private & do not ask about other people’s grades.
*Do not tease or harm any living creature for “fun”.

Honesty

Involves trustworthiness, reliability, integrity, and self-awareness.

Core Principles
*Always be honest, no matter what the circumstances.
*Keep your promises.
*When you make a mistake, admit it, make things right, and let it go.
*Do the right thing, even when no one is looking.
*Don’t start, repeat, or even listen to gossip.
*If you wouldn’t say it to a person’s face, don’t say it to anyone.
*Before speaking, think, “Is it true? Kind? Necessary?”
*It’s okay to say you don’t know something.

Self-Control

Involves humility, perseverance/ courage, and contentment.

Core Principles
*If you win, do not brag; if you lose, do not show anger.
*Congratulate classmates when they are successful.
*Never laugh at or tease someone when they make a mistake.
*Do not stare or laugh at a student who is being corrected.
*Do not make a big deal out of bodily functions.
*Learn from your mistakes and move on.
*When work is assigned, do not moan or complain.
*Be patient with yourself and don’t give up easily.
*Be satisfied with what you have.
*Always find the positive in life; complaining makes everyone miserable.

Tolerance

Involves acceptance of diversity, equality, peace, and appropriate conflict resolution.

Core Principles
*Laugh with people, not at them.
*Respect other students’ comments, opinions, and ideas.
*If people near you are too noisy, politely ask them to lower their voices.
*If someone asks you to lower your voice, say “no problem” and do so.
*It’s okay not to like someone; it’s not okay to be rude to them.
*Tell, don’t tattle. (Telling= trying to help someone, tattling= trying to get them in trouble).
*Accept that life isn’t fair and people sometimes do mean things.
*If anyone is bullying you, let your teacher know.
*Don’t expect yourself or other people to be perfect.
*Don’t sweat the small stuff.
*When you feel like overreacting, take deep breaths and relax.

Cooperation

Involves friendliness, fairness, loyalty, and gratitude.

Core Principles
*Greet visitors and make them feel welcome.
*When meeting new people, shake hands and repeat their names.
*Stay out of cliques.
*If someone you play with is continually rude and mean, choose other friends.
*Cheerfully work with any partner you are assigned so you do not hurt their feelings.
*When offered something, take only your fair share.
*Stand up for people you care about.
*Always say thank you when given something.
*When you receive something, do not insult the gift or the giver.

It was but yesterday when you were so new...

Your tiny new-born head rests against my shoulder;
To the world: a mother cradles her child.
The world doesn't know;
From each tiny little breath that fills your tiny heaving chest;
I draw refuge, courage and strength;
It is the child that cradles his mother.


I remember when you were a figment of my imagination. You could be anything and everything I wanted you to be. You were the epitome of perfection and we would have the best time together.

I remember when I found out you were actually going to be. I was ecstatic. I was on top of the world! I was brimming with confidence. I was a nervous wreck. I was more alive than ever. I was lost in the mist of my day-dreams more than ever. I dispaired over the world I had chosen to bring you into. I hoped your existence would magically change that world. I cried more and laughed more. I danced so much. I sang with more vigour. I was walking on air.

I remember when you were a stranger. A face I had never seen before. Your tiny little body was so much for me to handle. I struggled to hold you the right way. My arms hurt. my back hurt. I was so tired... but I was so happy to see you! I didn't know who you were or who you would become. I was lost and bewildered. For the life of me I could never figure out if that was an "I'm hungry" cry, or an "I'm sleepy" cry. I felt so powerless. I felt so powerful. I was your mommy! I finally found out who I was and what I was worth. You made me feel like a billion dollars!

I remember waiting for those precious eyes to open. I remember waiting for your first smile, your first sounds, your first tooth. I remember watching you sleep as you clutched my hair so tightly in your hands. I remember waiting for you to grow. I remember the first time you held your bottle all by yourself! I remember that first kiss and how it took me by surprise... you pulled me in by my hair and planted a whole lot of spit on my cheek and then pulled back with a gleam in your eyes and the sweetest smile on your face! I remember when you first said "dada". I remember waiting for "mama" and, boy, did you make me wait!

Preschool was tumultuous... They called you "an interesting child." You were too young, too innocent to vocalize it, but I felt the pangs of stress within you. To me you were always a beautiful child... that fluttering butterfly always stopping to smell the flowers, and always on it's way to some place unbeknownst, perhaps, even to itself.  I remember awakening once to the horrifying realization that I may have lost your wonderful laugh to those horrible, monsterous pangs of preschool. But just when I was beginning to lose hope and resigning myself to be swollowed whole by that dark vortex of doubt those teachers and those schools had cast us into, I saw the sparkle in you resurface, and soon you had us floating over rainbows again with your magical fairy dust!


You made me believe in myself more than ever. You made me doubt myself more than ever. If ever I felt I couldn't face the day, I kicked myself out of bed just because you were there. If ever I felt I had you all figured out, you never failed to remind me that I had tons to learn still.


You inspire me to do more... to write more, to think more, to feel more.  You have taught me to take a moment... to lie in the grass and feel a ladybug crawl up the side of my face.... to pick flowers from the road side.... to sing for the fun of it and make up the words when I forget.


And to like strawberries... even though I never liked strawberries before - EVER.


You have these bright smiling eyes - inquiring and curious, brimming with intelligence and wonder. I remember staring into them in those wee hours when you'd keep me awake, oh those beautiful eyes! In them I rediscover my own youth, my childhood innocence and wonderment. I can now see the world as you do and delight in its every turn, rejoice in it's every moment...


I feel like a child with you. And I feel wiser than ever with you.


These past couple of years I have seen you blossom and the world is beginning to see a hint of the wonderful, charming, kind and bright human being you will grow up to be. I have witnessed your profound understanding and empathy... and then there is your fantastic sense of humor! I pray that the world will always be kind to your gentle mind and earnest heart. I pray that God may guide you in every moment and enlighten you. Always know that when you have no one else, you will always have Him. I pray He keeps others from changing you into some cookie-cutter version of a human being; to allow your distinctive colors to add vibrance to the lives around you... because the world will be better for it. May you be an emblem of hope and of good things to come.


Your father and I are the luckiest people on earth to have been blessed with you. Thank you for a wonderful 6 years and we look forward to a lifetime of fun ahead....


Happy birthday, my darling Sheheryar. I love you so much.

Research suggests children can recover from autism (AP May 9, 2009)

I find it incredibly surprising that the medical field never considered this a possiblity. I find it even more surprising, and apalling, that some STILL will not consider the findings of this reasearch a legitimate probability.

"Doubters say "either they really weren't autistic to begin with ... or they're still socially odd and obsessive, but they don't exactly meet criteria" for autism..."

Realism is one thing, but is an improvement in a child's condition not worth anything? So they may not fully recover. Does that make the fact they get better less significant? If a child with an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) who would have needed constant supervision is now able to play independently, interact better with others, is that not a breakthrough? I can't believe that doctors can refuse to give parents, and those children, any hope for a better life... a close to normal life.

So how is anyone to trust any of these doctors, psychologists or special care-providers with helping their ASD-diagnosed child when they don't believe there is hope for them anyway? Can any of them really be sincere? No wonder preschools refuse such children and even children they suspect of having ASD. They feel there's nothing they can do to help, so they just refuse to help.

But here's what they do do. They reinforce in these children poor self-esteem. These children are raised to think that life will never improve for them. Any kind of congnitive therapy will fail if the child is surrounded by such pessimism regarding his odds of improvement and made to believe that any effort towards that will be futile or limited in yield at best.It's sad that they aren't given the option of thinking that life may still work out for them, even if they are different from the rest.

It is even more worrisome that children with mild to moderate behavior issues are also being slapped with the ASD label and given the same dim prognosis by doctors, psychologists, teachers and third party care-givers when clearly their world is full of more possibilities than those suffering from more severe forms of autism.

I wonder how many adults are walking around today, living their lives, working their jobs, growing families, who never got diagnosed with ASD when under current definitions, they should be. I wonder if never knowing they had ASD has made their life any harder or any easier. Perhaps they thought they had a few personality quirks to straighten out and that made it easier for them to bring about positive changes in themselves.

Doctors and psychologists have become so immersed in the science of it all that they have become severly detached from the humanity of it. We are but specimens to observe, study and analyze, practice their theories on and document. Have they forgotten that their purpose is to help improve our lives?